


The Price to Heal

by Diary



Category: London Spy, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Alternate Universe - Teen Wolf (TV) Fusion, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Canon Gay Character, Crossover, Disturbing Themes, Family, Hunter Frances Turner, Hunters & Hunting, Interspecies Romance, Kidnapping, Late Night Conversations, Love, M/M, Male Friendship, POV Danny Holt, POV Male Character, POV Nonhuman, POV Queer Character, Romance, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Werecoyote Danny Holt, Werecoyotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 08:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6111255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crossover. AU. "I’m a werecoyote. You’re MI6 from a hunter family." Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Price to Heal

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own London Spy or Teen Wolf.

Danny wishes he knew what he was thinking when he promised Scottie he’d go thirty days without wolfs bane pills or vapours.

Sitting down next to the bridge railing, he closes his eyes and focuses all of his senses on the water below.

One heartbeat, two heartbeats… One exhale, one inhale, one exhale…

Finally, he opens his eyes and shakily gets to his feet.

The wolfs bane has been completely out of his system for eight days ( _only twenty-two left_ ), and without it to dull his senses, they’re going into overdrive. Most born werecoyotes start manifesting their supernatural side at around fifteen, but just barely twelve, and Danny had to deal with flashing eyes and overwhelming senses.

He supposes he’s lucky he’s never had the moon-triggered madness so many of his cousins had to go through.

Suddenly, he stumbles, and once he rights himself, he closes his eyes, focuses, and really wishes he hadn’t.

There’s a hunter nearby.

Worse, this hunter is hurt.

It’s a man with a bruised rib. Danny can smell the mountain ash and mistletoe coated silver on him.

Just walk away, he tells himself. Wherever he is, he doesn’t seem to have noticed you, there’s no gun, and you can just walk away. He won’t be able to catch you with that rib.

_Just walk away!_

Scottie once said, ‘You’ll listen to your worst enemy before you’ll listen to yourself.’

Now, looking down at the man leaning against a log near the water, Danny will admit he probably didn’t have the right to be as offended as he had been.

“You stupid…” he mutters.

There are probably cameras, but since there’s a whole branch of people in the government who know about the supernatural, he doesn’t let himself worry about it. Placing his hand on the railing, he jumps and propels himself forward.

He lands close to the man, and jumping slightly, the man looks over.

Confusion radiates from him.

Walking over, Danny kneels down and feels his eyes changing.

A sharp intake of breath is the only reaction he receives.

Holding one hand up, he says, “I won’t hurt you. If you let me, I can help you.”

The man looks at him warily.

Danny waits.

“Doesn’t that hurt you?”

“Not anywhere near how much you’re hurting. Even as a kid, I had a high pain threshold.”

Finally, the man lets out a simple, “Please.”

Touching his hand, Danny says, “Look at me.” The man does, and he continues, “My name is Danny. You don’t need to tell me yours. Just tell me what you were hunting. I have humans I care about, and if something dangerous is running about, I deserve to know, for their sake.”

Straightening a bit, the man says, “I’m not a hunter. My mother is. The mountain ash and knife are simply for protection.”

“What hurt you, then?”

“Three men,” the man answers.

“Oh.” Letting go of the hand, Danny stands up, and when he reoffers his hand, the man accepts. Carefully, Danny pulls him up. “They didn’t take the knife?”

The man looks down at the log, and Danny sees there’s a small opening.

Leaning down, he wiggles his hand inside, withdraws the knife, places it in the man’s hand, and moves the hand to the man’s pocket.

If it weren’t too dangerous, Danny thinks he’d like this stranger.

“Thank you,” the man says.

Confusion, fear, relief, and curiosity all pour off him.

“Did they take anything important? Aside from your money and ID, I mean?”

The man shakes his head. “No.”

“Then, you should go to A&E before the police.”

“I don’t need either.”

There’s a reason the man is refusing them, but as for trying to figure out what it is- Danny thinks of how Scottie is already going to react to what he’s already done.

“Do you live around here?”

“No.”

The man gives an address, and Danny almost- There’s no indication this man is giving a false one, and it’s not a good idea for two humans who don’t know one another to do this, and for a human, never mind a human from a hunter family, to tell a no-doubt-about-it supernatural person such a thing-

“Right, and I’ve already forgotten you’ve said that,” he says. Digging out his wallet, he sees he has nowhere near enough for the fare. A bus ticket, on the other hand…

“Think you could handle a bus ride?”

The man gives him a cautious look.

“Look, I’m not taking a hunter or anyone associated with hunters anywhere near my flat, and I don’t have the fare for a taxi. So, if you want help in getting home, you’re going to need to work with me,” he explains.

The man experimentally moves. “I don’t think I need further help.”

Danny takes a proper look at the man.

He’s tall, extremely fit, has sandy hair in a conservative haircut, and has incredibly blue eyes. His dirtied clothes are causal but made of good quality fabric and are expertly cut.

Probing, Danny finds the man’s breathing is level, his heartbeat is within normal range, and though he’s still in pain, it appears to be at a manageable level.

Danny knows taking too much pain can be worse for the person in pain than the pain they’re in.

“Do you have someone you could call? We could find a payphone.”

“You don’t need to keep worrying about me,” the man softly tells him.

Shrugging, Danny says, “But I will.”

A ghost of a smile twitches on the man’s face. “I think I could handle a bus ride.”

…

They get to a pricey building with a security camera, and the urge to run almost overtakes him.

Instead, he asks, “Do you need keys to get in?”

Shaking his head, the man gestures to a keypad.

“Well, then, uh, good luck. Try to avoid muggers in the future. Hopefully, we’ll never see each other again.”

A wave of pain hits him, and he’s not sure if it’s the rib or emotional pain.

Danny doubts he’ll ever stop making mistakes, but generally, he’s good about not repeating them.

“Bye.” He walks away without looking back.

…

Going back to the spot he found the man in, he breathes deeply.

He can only catch one other scent.

Following it, he watches from afar, identifies the other two men, and within two days, they’re trying to mug another person.

He steps in, discreetly rubs mistletoe juice on the bruises they inflict, and gives a report when the police arrest them.

“He had golden eyes,” one of them insists.

“I don’t envy whatever trip you’re on,” Danny says.

“I’m not on anything!”

“Then, maybe you should check him for head injuries,” he tells the officers. “I didn’t touch him, but one of his mates did sort of fall against him.”

The mugger gives him a helplessly confused look.

“Maybe the lights just caught my eyes in a funny way?”

“Yeah,” the mugger mutters. “Fine. That’s it. I’m not on anything, and I’m not crazy. It was just a trick of the light.”

The police are wary, but Danny can tell they’d really like to accept this and not have to worry about a potentially drugged-out, concussed, and/or mentally ill prisoner.

They end up putting him in a cell with the other two and sending Danny off.

…

Danny finds himself dreaming of the man and latching onto the thought of him when the withdraw gets almost unbearable.

After the thirtieth day, he immediately heads off to get some more wolfs bane.

Scottie will be disappointed, he knows, but he also thinks Scottie is expecting this.

Sorry, he thinks. I really am. But no one’s going to save me, not even you.

He’d die for Scottie. He doesn’t particularly think about it, but if it came to killing, he could probably manage to, if it meant Scottie’s safety.

But Scottie wants- _I wish I could make life worth living for you. I wish you could find a purpose. I wish you’d, at least, try to find a way to be happy instead of just wandering through life and accepting the few ultimately meaningless pleasures that happen to fall your way._

A familiar scent catches his nose, and he has a moment of disorientation.

He hasn’t even gotten the wolfs bane- no, he’s definitely smelling the man.

Following the scent, he sees the man is leaving the MI6 building.

Remembering the man’s refusal to go to hospital or the police, he thinks, Ah. That explains it.

Turning, he walks away.

…

There was a time Danny wholeheartedly believed in fate. He was unashamedly a romantic and wanted so badly to be as optimistic as possible.

Now, when he sees the man jogging, he knows this is just bad luck and hopes he’s not about to be killed or worse.

It’s even more bad luck when the man sees him and jogs over. “Hello again.”

“Hi,” Danny says. “I see your rib is fully healed.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

Danny starts to turn.

“I’d like to repay you. For helping me.”

“There’s no need-”

“Please,” is the quiet response.

He spent his last bit of money on wolfs bane, and he really doesn’t want Scottie to waste even more money on feeding him. “You could buy me breakfast."

“Okay,” the man readily agrees.

Danny supposes he should probably try to get, at least, a fake name out of the man, but isn’t up to it. He’s done a lot of thing with plenty of men without ever knowing their names.

…

“Why did you help me?”

“I told you, I have humans I care about. I thought there might have been something supernatural hurting people around, and if so, I hoped to get information.”

“But you kept helping even after you found out there wasn’t.”

Danny shrugs.

The restaurant is overpriced to the point he ordered the cheapest thing on the menu and still feels as if he’s taking horrible advantage. Thankfully, there are few people, and the food smells aren’t too overwhelming.

If only this stranger would stop smelling so delicious, he’d probably be perfectly fine.

“I like to hope that, if the people I care about ever need help and I’m not around, someone will give it.”

Awkwardness descends, and Danny can suddenly make out the deep-rooted negative emotions present in the man. He’s lonely, sad, resigned, and uneasy in a way having little, if anything, to do with the fact Danny’s supernatural.

Catching his eyes, Danny tries to smile. “I’m a werecoyote. You’re MI6 from a hunter family, and please, don’t worry, I haven’t been stalking you. I was walking around and happened to see you leaving the building. That plus you not wanting the police or hospital-” He shrugs. “You seem like a decent man, but breakfast is more than enough. Once we leave here, it’d be best if you pushed me aside in your mind. Forget me entirely, if you can.”

“Will you forget me?”

Thankfully, the food arrives.

…

They get to the door, and the man hesitates.

The indecision is strong enough to almost make Danny reel, but then, abruptly, it’s replaced by calm resolve.

Danny unwillingly finds himself wishing he could bury himself in the feeling.

“My name is Alex Turner,” the man says. Setting a card down on a nearby table, he walks out.

Trying to process what just happened, Danny picks up the card and finds _Alistair Turner_ and a mobile number.

…

He makes it two months before he makes the mistake of watching the news one night.

There’s been a gas leak, and when he hears Alex’s address, he’s out the door before he can even think to put on a pair of trousers.

By the time he does realises he’s running around in his pants and a t-shirt, he’s already near the building.

Trying to block out the various potent odours, he desperately focuses his senses on what he remembers of Alex.

“Danny?”

Turning, he sees Alex. “Oh, good, you’re okay, I saw it on the news,” he breathes out.

Giving him an amused look, Alex takes off his jacket and puts it on Danny.

“I don’t need-” he starts.

“I know you don’t experience temperature the same way humans do, but-” Alex shifts.

“Right, I’m in my pants,” he says. “Um, thanks. So, anything I can do? Do you have a place to stay? Or even your money? I could buy you some food, at least.”

Alex is studying him intently. “You care about me.”

Rubbing his forehead, he wishes he had some wolfs bane in his system.

“I can check into a hotel," Alex says. "Will you be able to get back home safely?”

“Yeah,” he answers.

There’s a spike of lust, and he jumps.

“Danny?”

“You had to make it worse, didn’t you?”

Giving him a puzzled look, Alex radiates hurt.

“I hate to be the cliché who says, ‘I don’t do boyfriends,’ but yeah. If you want to kiss me, you can. If you want to do more, we could probably even do that, but if it’s more than lust, you might want to decide not to. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Emotionally, I mean. Or in any other way, but in this instance, I’m talking about emotions. I was just being nice when I helped you. Aside from thinking of my friends, I didn’t expect anything. I’m sorry if you found yourself liking me.”

“I understand,” Alex says

And- it seems Alex really does.

Danny’s half-tempted to respond, ‘Oh, good, do you think you could explain it to me?’

“Let me get you a cab,” Alex insists.

…

It’s not until he’s gotten home, fallen asleep, and woken back up he realises Alex’s jacket is still on him.

Thankful he didn’t manage to get anything on it, he tries to smooth with his hands as best he can, waits until about the time Alex usually jogs, and goes to wait in the area.

Alex gives a small smile when he sees Danny.

Danny holds up the jacket. “I don’t have the money for dry-cleaning. Sorry.”

Accepting it, Alex asks, “You don’t have a pack, do you?”

Instantly on-guard, he nevertheless answers, “No. Coyote, not wolf. We don’t really do the whole pack thing. I mean, some of us do have families we’re close to, but in general, we’re much more independent than wolves.”

There are times Danny wishes he had wolf in him.

What happened to him can’t be blamed on- but sometimes, he’d really like to be able to tell himself, ‘Wolves yearn for love, and my nature blinded me.’

Other times, he knows it wouldn’t help or would just make it worse.

His parents never had much use for him, but they did teach him not to get on the wrong side of hunters, and it wasn’t their fault he decided not to listen.

“I’m not expecting anything. Will you let me buy you breakfast?”

“Why?"

“I don’t know,” Alex admits. “I’m curious about you. And you’re curious about me.”

“Yeah, but that isn’t a good thing.”

“You know where I live, work, and my surname. I’m not afraid of you,” Alex calmly says. “I promise I won’t ask any of the above about you.”

Danny gives up. “Yeah, sure, why not? But,” he insists, “we’re picking some place much cheaper.”

…

Trying not to sound impatient, Danny prods, “You wanted to talk. So, are we actually going to get around to that?”

“Ask me whatever you like,” Alex offers.

“And you’re just not going to ask anything at all?”

“Do you believe an employee of MI6 needs to ask questions in order to satisfy their curiosity?”

This, he'll admit, is a good point. “Not a good one, at any rate. Are you good at your job, Alex?”

“Very.”

“I hope that wasn’t meant to be comforting,” he mutters. Taking a breath, he says, “Tell me about you and hunting.”

“My biological mother was killed by a werejaguar when I was three. Frances, my mother’s employer, took me in because-” Alex pauses. “Think of the hardest, most complex mathematical equation you can. I’ll tell you the answer.”

Raising an eyebrow, Danny lets out a stream of numbers.

Alex immediately answers with his own stream of numbers.

Danny knows he’s gaping.

Smiling, Alex pushes his mobile across the table. “See for yourself. Do you need me to remind you what the equation was?”

After confirming Alex is right, Danny says, “So, you’re a mathematical genius, then.”

“Yes. Frances took me in because she recognised this. She taught me how to defend myself but not how to hunt. I never wanted to learn.”

“I’m sorry about your mum."

“I don’t remember much about her,” Alex says.

“Are you out?”

“No.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No. I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Because you’re not out, or just because there isn’t anyone special at the moment?”

Danny can tell Alex is considering his words carefully. “People find me odd, and my work keeps me occupied.”

There’s a twist in Danny’s heart.

Some people convince themselves they neither need nor want anyone, and he knows how truly deep the hurt can go. If he could, he’d reach over and take the pain out of Alex.

“I don’t find you odd.”

“Your exposure to me has been limited and occurred under unconventional circumstances.”

“Fair enough,” Danny says. “Here’s my story: I trusted a hunter, once. I’m lucky to be alive, only, sometimes, I just can’t bring myself to feel lucky. I know there are truly good hunters. But all the same, I’d rather not risk it.”

Sadness rolls over him when Alex simply says, “I understand.”

He’s not sure which of them it’s coming from.

…

Everything is woozy.

Why the- who leaves a nail lying around on the ground?

Scottie is on a business trip, and even if he weren’t, Danny thinks he might be rather far away from Scottie’s house.

There’s a girl who isn’t afraid of a random coyote showing up, and hopefully, wouldn’t be too traumatised by said coyote showing up with a heavily bleeding paw, but again, from what Danny can piece together through the pain, he’s in completely the wrong side of London.

Panic starts to set in when some vague part of him realises he has no idea where he actually is or why.

Swaying, he focuses on looking for a place to curl up and hide. If he can get some sleep, he might just wake up human, although, how he plans to get around completely starkers-

Slumping down, he can’t help but let out a noise.

There’s a jumping heartbeat, and he knows he has to move fast before whoever heard him finds him.

Then, through his haywire senses, he finds himself thinking, Oh, it’s you. If you’re going to kill me, could you please use the knife instead of the mountain ash?

The uncertain voice is deliberately soothing, and Danny finds himself looking up.

The scents change. “Danny?”

He manages to nod.

Moving closer, Alex holds one hand out and echoes, “I won’t hurt you. If you let me, I can help you.”

Danny lowers his head onto the ground.

“Danny?”

Another sound escapes him.

There’s renewed panic when he’s picked up, but Alex’s grip is surprisingly strong and his voice is calm.

Soon enough, Danny finds himself lying on a warm towel.

“I need to hold you down while I remove the nail.”

Nodding, Danny rolls over onto his back.

It’s a vulnerable position, and his parents used to try to break him of it, but once upon a time, Danny liked having humans rub his stomach.

He blacks out.

…

In the morning, Danny wakes up in coyote form.

Coyotes mostly view the world through a combination of scents, and without human translation, werecoyotes process these scents largely as colours.

Focusing on applying his human side, Danny lifts himself up. There’s gauze wrapped around his already healed paw. He’s lying on a pillow on a bed he suspects is normal-sized but comes across as huge. On the other side of the bed, Alex is wrapped in gold.

Danny blinks.

No, the smells coming off Alex are golden.

Alex himself is lying on his back in the same clothes he had on last night, minus his shoes and belt. He’s sleeping soundly, but Danny can smell the insomnia and easily disturbed R.E.M. sleep he’s plagued with.

Scooting over, Danny puts his paw on Alex’s chest.

Eyes immediately snap open. “Danny?”

He nods, holds out his wrapped paw, and motions with his head.

Sitting up, Alex blinks adorably and gently unwraps the paw. “You’ve healed,” he notes. “I wasn’t sure if I should apply any medicine to it. So, I simply washed it with soap and water and applied the gauze.”

He bows his head in thanks.

“If you want to shift back, I have some clothes you can borrow.”

He nods.

Alex sets the clothes on the bed, leaves the room, and shuts the door.

…

He can’t help but inhale deeply once he has Alex’s clothes on.

He remembers how he used to love the scent of- in hindsight, the reaction he got is one of the things he should have taken as the warning it was.

Wiping the tears away, he firmly pushes the thoughts away and goes out to find Alex is making tea.

Catching the scent of wolfs bane, he lets out a mental thanks to the universe and goes to find it.

Alex doesn’t say anything until Danny comes over with it, and then, alarm shoots through him. “That’s- you need to put that down, Danny.”

“No, it’s wolfs bane, I know."

He starts to sprinkle it into the cup Alex has set out for him.

“I only have it for- what are you doing?”

“Relax,” he says with what he hopes is a smile. “Wolfs bane can be therapeutic if used correctly.”

Alex uneasily watches him mix the tea and wolfs bane together.

“Do you have any milk?”

Alex produces some.

“It’s a form of drug for you.”

Danny shrugs. “More-or-less. Some weres have trouble with control, and some of them need to tamper down their senses in order to function in human society. But yeah, as your judgemental tone suggests, I mostly use it because it makes me feel a little better.”

“I’m not judging you,” Alex quietly replies.

Startled to hear the truth in those words, he looks over.

Alex sips his tea. “How does it make you feel better?”

“I do actually need to tamper down my senses,” he admits. “Other than that- it sort of dulls emotions, and when my feelings aren’t too sharp, I can manage my thoughts. I don’t think of how bad I feel, the reasons why, all that.”

“I’m sorry you were hurt,” is the painfully sincere response.

He sighs. “I don’t blame you or even hunters in general. I was a stupid boy, alright, and I had a plenty of signs.”

In truth, even now, he looks back, and he can see a few signs, but mostly- if there were any completely obvious ones, he still can’t find them, and this scares him. He trusted, he felt he had plenty of good reasons to trust, and for all his instincts, for all the fact he was never stupid even when overly-idealistic, he still got played badly.

Finishing the tea, he dully welcomes the cotton around his senses. “Thank you for last night. My last name is Holt. You can look me up if you want. I’m going to go, now. I’ll bring your clothes back later.”

Alex doesn’t say anything.

…

When he brings the clothes back, he says, “Let me buy you a meal for once.”

“That isn’t nec-”

“Yeah, I know, but I want to.”

“Okay,” Alex agrees.

Getting fish and chips, they sit down in a park.

“Why are you so lonely?”

Alex looks over. “What makes you think I am?”

Rolling his eyes, Danny lets them flash. “Well, that, for one. But even without them, anyone could look at your life and see how devoid of human companionship it is.”

“I went to university at fifteen,” Alex says. “At school, my maturity level was much higher than that of my classmates. At university, I was young. People have always found me odd. I grate on them.” He’s quiet for a long minute. “No one broke my heart, but I’ve been hurt, too.”

“I never said I got my heart broken.”

Alex simply looks at him, and he sighs. “I’m sorry you were hurt, too.”  

At Alex’s nod, he says, “No, I really, truly am. You’re a genuinely kind person, Alex. I wish someone had seen that back then. I hope someone sees it now, soon.”

“You mean I seem to be genuinely kind.”

Danny considers it.

“No,” he says. “I know you are.”

The smiles and feelings this produces are beautiful.

However, they quickly dampen. “I think part of the problem was that people did see.”

Danny feels his heart ache. “Yeah,” is all he can offer. “I’ve been there, too.” Wanting some of the happiness back, he asks, “What kind of music do you like?”

Alex takes a drink of his lemonade. “Most music makes me feel- prickly. I prefer listening to people and nature sounds.”

“I like almost anything. Most rap music, I don’t like some of the messages and terms, but I like the flow. Classical music is almost always pretty to listen to. Country can be fun, but I always have the worst luck and end up hearing it when there are all these people around who hate it. Techno is hit-or-miss; either my heart synchronises to it, or I end up with a headache. When it comes to-”

He abruptly stops.

Alex is listening, but he’s also trying to figure something out.

“What,” Danny asks.

Alex shakes his head.

An idea forms. “Was there something wrong with my reaction? Did you have more that you wanted to add? Sorry, I should have-”

“No,” Alex interrupts. “You just-” He trails off.

“Oh.” Danny finally gets it. “Mate, you’re talking to a werecoyote. A werecoyote who just went into detail on how pretty it is to listen to one thing and how my heart has to synchronise to another or I’ll end up with a headache. Some humans have different sensory reactions than others. There’s nothing wrong or even odd about preferring human voices and nature sounds to music. Just for me, I hear them all the time, on a different level, that they don’t really produce any strong or soothing feelings one way or another. So, I listen to music.”

“Is there any particular music that helps you sleep,” Alex asks.

“That would be opera,” he answers. “Which- I can’t really explain why. When I’m wide awake and busy, opera tends to make me prickly, too, but for some reason, if I want to relax or need some help in getting to sleep, it usually does the trick. What nature sounds do you like best?”

There’s a brief hesitation. “The sound of fire crackling.”

Danny catches Alex’s eyes. “I know you can’t help it, but you need to try to stop being so worried. Don’t try to torture and/or kill me, and I guess I should add, don’t hurt anyone innocent, and I’m not going to think badly of you. If you’re odd, then, you’re odd. That doesn’t mean uninteresting or bad.”

At these words, Alex gives him a small smile.

He smiles back.

“Aside from fire, I find wind pleasant while I’m working. When it comes to sleep, part of my insomnia is caused by the fact almost any sort of noise can wake me up, but if it’s too quiet, I can’t fall asleep.”

“Sorry,” Danny offers. “Me, I sometimes have trouble falling asleep, but I once literally slept through a police raid. When my senses shut down, they shut down good.”

Oh, yes, he suddenly thinks. Tell _that_ to a hunter.

“Anyway, I need to go to work soon. Thank you for last night.”

They stand up, and setting his trash down, Alex extends his hand.

Danny shakes it.

…

A week later, he ends up back at Alex’s door.

“Danny?" Worry pours off Alex.

“I’m fine. So, feel free to say no, but if you wanted to get together and talk some more- it seems we both might benefit from it.”

Aside from Scottie, he makes sure his human friends are safely kept away from the supernatural world, and Scottie- he’s gotten used to Scottie’s unspoken worry and disappointment.

“I’d like that.”

…

In the park, they feed ducks.

“Where do you work?”

“Right now, in a warehouse,” he answers. “But I’ve never been one who stayed in one place for long. Did you join MI6 straight out of uni?”

“Yes. Frances was very pleased.”

“Were you?”

Alex gives him an almost sharp look. “I love working with numbers, and I feel a sense of pride in being part of keeping our country safe.”

“Tell me to back off and I will, but there’s nothing unpatriotic if you don’t happen to like your job that much.”

Letting out a small sound, Alex says, “I have always wanted to help people. This just- isn’t the sort of help I imagined. The numbers aren’t the ones I’d prefer, either.”

Danny wishes he could say something to help.

“I didn’t run a background check on you.”

Surprised, Danny replies, “I wouldn’t care if you had.”

“If you don’t want to talk about it- the hunter who broke your heart-”

“I loved him,” Danny flatly tells him. “I loved him, and I was kidnapped, tortured, and when I say this, I mean it literally: I should have died. The person who rescued me, the emissary he took me to, even the surviving ones who did this to me, none of them can figure out how I possibly could have survived. Sometimes, I think, maybe, I did die but somehow ended up back. And I won’t go into any more details.”

“Okay,” Alex says.

“When did you first realise you were gay," Danny asks. “Or did you always know?”

“It started when I was twelve, and by the time I was fourteen, I knew for sure. When I could sleep, I often dreamed of boys. Of men. Some of them, I knew, and some I didn’t.”

“With weres, we’re sort of different. Most are somewhere on the bisexual/pansexual spectrum. Always have been. But I’ve just never had sexual feelings towards women.”

He thinks about Sara. She and Pavel are flatmates who’ve let him crash on their couch before, and they’re both always happy to cuddle with him. If he could get up the interest, he thinks there might be a chance she and he could work.

“Do ‘mates’ exist?”

Danny shrugs. “I used to think so. I don’t know anymore. It’s one of those things that some believe and some don’t. Do you believe in soulmates?”

“No.”

“Probably sensible,” Danny comments.

“Either something is sensible or it isn’t.”

“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that,” Danny says.

…

Everything is fine until he comes into Alex’s flat one morning and hears him in the shower.

“Hey, I’m here,” he calls.

Grabbing Alex’s laptop, he starts playing Solitaire.

“I was thinking-”

Danny looks up, Alex stops talking, and _oh_.

He hasn’t wanted anyone or anything this badly in so long.

Alex is in a towel, there’s still water droplets covering his body, and he wants Danny just as bad.

Before he can make a conscious decision, he’s moved over and is just about to lean in for a kiss when the feel of a trembling hand in his stops him cold.

He looks down.

Looking back up, he views Alex with slightly clearer senses.

Alex wants him just as bad, but Alex is also scared and nervous and slightly confused.

“Oh,” he says.

Alex makes a small movement, but Danny shakes his head. Not letting go of the hand, he says, “It’s okay that you’ve never done it before. I hope, when you do, it’ll be with someone special. Even if it’s not, though, it won’t be me.”

“Why?”

“Because, we both know that you want more than I’d give you. It’d be fun. For both of us. I’d make sure you liked it. And afterwards, I’d still be your friend for as long as you wanted me. Only- that wouldn’t be enough, and I think, if you take a minute, you’ll know I’m right.”

“I don’t need a minute.”

Danny hears the unspoken _I already knew, I probably knew even before_ and, uncaring about getting his clothes wet, pulls Alex into a hug and holds him until both of their hearts and feelings settle.

…

He hasn’t told Scottie anything about Alex for several reasons, and he really wishes he had before now.

Because, he knows, Scottie would have forced him to confront what he’s been consciously and unconsciously ignoring: Going anywhere near someone with hunter ties is a bad idea. A few of the times, he can safely say it wasn’t particularly his fault, but all the other times- He genuinely cares about Alex and considers him a friend.

He wants Alex as more than a friend so badly.

Sighing, he looks in the mirror. There’s a small scar on his stomach. It doesn’t hurt, but for some reason, despite everything else eventually healing, it’s never gone away.

He knows he shouldn’t have to look at it to remind himself. He still has the occasional nightmare and panic attack.

Everything in him says Alex is different, Alex is genuine, he can trust Alex-

Everything in him knows he once felt confident in these assessments towards someone else.

Wiping his eyes, he turns away.

…

When Alex hesitantly suggests a country walk, Danny answers, “Sure, but I’m going on four legs.”

Alex’s surprise and happiness are wonderful things, and Danny knows he’s being self-destructive but can’t bring himself to stop.

…

When they sit down near the water, Danny rolls over onto his back and sighs happily when Alex gently scratches his stomach.

“I’ve never taken anyone with me,” Alex quietly says. “Thank you for coming.”

Danny happily barks.

He can’t really see the smile, but the mixture of gold and swirling, happy colours radiating off Alex is enough to know it’s there and beautiful.

…

Back at Alex’s flat, he shifts back and puts his clothes on.

In the living room, he sits down next to Alex and presses against him.

Alex looks up from the numbers he’s working with. “Will you ever trust anyone again?”

It’s a simple question with no chiding or judgement.

“There’s layers to that,” Danny answers. “There’s one person I’d trust with my life. In other ways, I do trust people, including you. When it comes to romance, though, no. I won’t. I might find someone, someday, and be happy with him, but I’m never completely going to trust that he feels the same, that he won’t hurt me. Maybe that’s not fair to him, but I can’t help it. I gave everything I had, and what of it I managed to get back, it’s not as pure, I guess you could say, as it was. The emotional pain, remembering the physical, the whole act of coming so very close to death- all of that has irrevocably tainted it.”

The quiet sadness fills the room.

Finally, Alex asks, “How do you trust me?”

“You mean, in what way do I trust you?”

Alex nods.

Danny takes his time in putting the words together. “Like I said, you’re genuinely kind. More than that, I trust that you try to do the right thing. You always want to do the right thing, even when the wrong thing is tempting. And I’m sure you’ve made mistakes and will again, but when it comes to the important things, there’s a good chance you’ll end up doing right.”

…

If this doesn’t kill me, Scottie will, he finds himself thinking.

The wolfs bane vapour is too strong.

He can’t move to shut it off, and he can feel his body starting to shut down. Soon, his airways are going to close up, and every time he heals enough for them to open, more of it will flood his system, and repeat and repeat.

There’s a knock on the door.

He can’t call out.

“Danny,” he vaguely hears.

Oh, great, he thinks in bitter anger towards the universe. Scottie will be hurt but not traumatised, but him- why did you have to send Alex?

“Danny, are you in there?”

He’s seeing black spots when he hears, “Danny, if you are in and are just ignoring me or sleeping, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t normally invade your privacy, but I- have a feeling something is wrong.”

“Danny!”

The dispenser is shut off, the window is pried open, and suddenly, his senses get a strong burst of _Alex,_  and his ears settle on the too-fast, panicky heart.

When Alex leans down, Danny finds a burst of strength, manages to get his nose in Alex’s hair, and takes greedy breaths.

“Okay,” he hears. Alex’s heart is calming down.

Eventually, he realises Alex is lying on his bed, he’s lying on Alex, and his nose his is pressed firmly against a vein in Alex’s neck.

The cold air settles over him, and while his body is quickly adjusting, he realises Alex is feeling a significant amount of it.

Groaning, he sits up and takes in concerned eyes studying him.

Growing up, Danny always thought governments penalising drug users was wrong, but he didn’t have a high opinion of addicts, either. He didn’t understand how they could keep doing something they knew was hurting their loved ones. It was one thing to hurt themselves- after all, skydiving, operating heavy machinery, and so many other legal things could potentially kill a person, but to deliberately make themselves sick and weak to the point they needed other people to mind them struck him as selfish and cruel.

Sorry, kid, he finds himself thinking now. But you know, maybe if you hadn’t been so determined to get your fairy-tale, which you only ever read the bowdlerised versions of…

“I’ll be fine, now. If you want to leave, I understand,” he tells Alex.

Shaking his head, Alex sits up and puts his hand on Danny’s cheek.

Danny can’t help the shudder it produces.

“Come sleep at my flat,” Alex says. “There’s likely still traces of wolfs bane here that haven’t dissipated yet.”

…

At Alex’s, Alex tells him to pick something out so Alex can wash the clothes he came in, and he looks through the closet and drawers.

“You find it amusing.”

“No,” he protests but can’t quite keep the amusement out of his voice. “I’ve just never been a tidy person myself.”

After his clothes have all been taken (and Alex is likely at work making sure any wolfs bane he has is inaccessible), he keeps looking at the neatly folded and hung clothes.

As much as he wants to be wrapped up in Alex’s scent, he knows he’s going down a dangerous road.

When Alex comes back, the towel he had on is in the regular laundry, and he’s in coyote form.

Alex orders takeout, puts Danny’s half on the floor, and finds a bowl to fill with milk.

After they’ve eaten, Alex works in his bedroom, and curling up on the couch, Danny tries to get his mind to calm.

Eventually, he falls into an uneasy sleep.

…

When he wakes up, it’s night outside, and Alex is still up.

Danny pokes his head through the crack Alex left open.

Looking up, Alex gets off the bed and comes over to open the door fully. Kneeling down, he asks, “Are you okay, Danny?”

Danny nods.

“Would you like to come sit with me?”

Following him, Danny jumps on the bed, belatedly hopes he isn’t dirtying it or leaving any unpleasant smells, and stretches out against Alex’s leg.

…

“You didn’t have to do any of that.”

Alex looks over from his plate of food. “Isn’t that what friends do for one another?”

“They shouldn’t have to.”

“The fact they choose to is part of what makes them friends, isn’t it?”

Sighing, Danny stands and walks over.

He can’t say why he did either, and he certainly can’t say why he leans down to kiss Alex.

It makes his whole body warm, and he hasn’t had such an enjoyable kiss in he doesn’t know how long. Most of the kisses he has nowadays are almost perfunctory, and even the truly enjoyable ones are with men he doesn’t know anything important about. This though, he can taste the wonderful flavours of Alex and how much Alex wants him and-

Alex draws away, and Danny immediately says, “The wolfs bane is completely out of my system, I promise, but I should have asked. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

Inexperience lingers on his tongue, and he just barely manages not to groan.

A virgin, yes, but he’d really thought- Alex might have kissed someone in the past, but he’s never done anything like what just happened, and if Danny did just take his first kiss…

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not, and please, don’t say things that aren’t true. I’ve never liked it when people I cared about did it, but after- One of the things that made me willing to trust you was the fact that you’re very honest.”

Alex takes one of his hands and starts tracing what Danny thinks are numbers on it with his fingers.

“I want what you’re willing to give me. You should protect yourself, but as for me- I have the right to decide for myself what and how much I want to risk.”

Danny concentrates on the tracing.

He can agree Alex is right.

He knows Alex is wrong.

Alex is an innocent, just like he once was, and in some ways, more than he ever was, and for every line Danny thought he’d never cross but ended up crossing anyways, he’s never corrupted an innocent. He’s never broken someone’s heart. He’s never gone into a romantic relationship or even just a benefits type situation and taken more than he’s willing to give.

It’s taking all his willpower not to kiss Alex again.

Pulling his hand back, he goes to sit down. “What exactly do you want?”

“I don’t know,” Alex answers. “Did you like the kiss?”

“It was incredible.”

Alex nods. “I know we’re never going to have a- conventional relationship. I really liked kissing you. If you wanted to do more, I’d like that, too.”

Yeah, but what if you fall in love, he thinks. Or worse, what if I do?

Danny knows he used to be good at listening to himself, and before he found himself almost killed by his lover, it actually worked out well for him to do so.

“If we do this,” he says, “whatever all this is, I need you to understand that it’s okay for you to see other people. For both of us, actually, but especially you. If you find someone you like or even just someone you want to sleep with, that’s fine. And I need you to promise, that if something serious starts to develop, you’ll tell me. I won’t be mad or hurt. I’ll be happy for you, and I’ll let you go.”

“Will you promise the same?”

He shrugs. “We both know I’m not likely to, but sure. I promise.”

“So do I.”

“Let’s just try to take things slow for right now. How ‘bout, next weekend, we go for another walk? I’ll go on two legs.”

“I’d like that.”

Nodding, Danny stands up. “I’m going to go back to my flat, now. Don’t worry, it’ll be clear by now. I’ll call you when I get there, okay?”

“Okay,” Alex reluctantly agrees.

“Thank you,” Danny repeats. “For everything.”

Kissing Alex, he lets the pleasure build until he forces himself to break away.

…

_You need to tell Scottie._

_You must tell Scottie._

_Tell Scottie, you idiot._

_This is something Scottie needs to know._

After and, sometimes, before every kiss, every time he laughs with Alex, and every time they hold hands, he tells himself these things.

…

He fixes dinner for them at his flat.

From his place on the couch, Alex asks, “You don’t ever see your parents, anymore?”

Shaking his head, he looks over and sees Alex has gotten to nursery section of the photo album.

“No. We never quite got on. My dad, he wasn’t abusive per se, but he could be mean. My mum- the truth is, she wanted a different kid. They both did. I tried to make them happy, but they never really approved of anything I did. I was nineteen when I met the hunter. They didn’t like the relationship, but-” He shudders. “In the end, he went after them. Thankfully, they both survived, but they made it clear I was never to come near them again.”

“Is this a cousin?”

Glancing over, he smiles when he sees a picture of him and little Cora. “No. Uh, when I was about three, a werewolf alpha came around. She brought some of her kids with her. That’s Cora Hale. She would bite my ankle all the time, don’t have a clue why, and I liked sharing my apple juice with her, because, she absolutely hated apple juice. It didn’t matter how well-watered it was, she just hated it. Only, you really can’t reason with some little kids, and she’d scream her head off about how she loved apple juice. I’d share mine and watch how badly she reacted to it.”

“Did she start biting your ankle before or after the apple juice sharing began?”

“Before,” he answers. “I wasn’t the only one. She liked to nibble on her mum’s fingers, and she loved to pull her uncle’s hair.”

He briefly wonders whatever happened to the Hales.

“Here, food’s ready,” he says.

…

When Alex gets ready to leave, they kiss.

It deepens, and Danny doesn’t want it to stop. He doesn’t care he’s about to get loud and have to deal with angry neighbours tomorrow or the fact Alex might have to try to hide a hickey. The only important thing is how much he needs this and how much he can feel Alex does, too.

Then, he realises his hand has gone for Alex’s belt.

Before he can draw away, Alex grabs him, and with a desperate kiss, pleads, “Don’t stop.”

And Danny doesn’t. Several times, he asks, but every time Alex tells him to keep going, he does.

…

Alex is sleeping sounder than Danny has ever known him to, and Danny is lying with his ear pressed against Alex’s chest, right over the heart.

Finally, his senses are satisfied with the amount of Alex they’re getting.

He knows it’s temporary.

He also knows it’ll take time for the smell of Alex and what they’ve done to completely leave his tiny flat.

Years ago, when he found out what he was doing wasn’t, he never thought he’d ever have truly special sex, and now, he wants so badly to believe this was.

Closing his eyes, he soaks in Alex’s lingering contentment, listens to the strong, beautiful heartbeat, and thinks, _I promise, I’ll always protect you. No matter what I have to do, I’ll never let anyone or anything hurt you._

…

“Danny!” Scottie happily greets.

Kissing Scottie’s cheek, he says, “Hey, Scottie.”

Scottie sighs. “I know that look. Well, come on in. I’ll get us some tea.”

…

Aside from Alex being MI6, Danny tells Scottie everything.

“Hmm,” Scottie says.

Danny waits.

Finally, Scottie takes his hand. “I think you might finally be able to hear this.”

He sits up straighter.

“Lee was a sociopath, Danny. You’ve said before, there weren’t that many signs. Sometimes, a normally intuitive, intelligent person can be taken in by someone who is an expert at concealing what they are. People are so complex, everyone shows signs of something, and some people don’t show the agreed upon signs of what they are. I’d like to meet this Alex, but I won’t push things. If he strikes you as trustworthy, if you think this could be real, you can’t let a dead sociopath make you doubt it.”

“What if he’s a sociopath, too?”

Even as he says the words, he can’t help but inwardly scoff and feel offended on Alex’s behalf.

“Then, it’s the world that has a problem with you, not you who has a problem,” Scottie suggests.

Chuckling, he says, “Thanks, Scottie.”

Scottie pats his hand. “Anytime.”

…

“What are you thinking?”

Danny looks over. “I'll tell you when we get to the water.”

Once they sit down, he moves his hands when Alex tries to take them.

“I don’t regret what happened, but it wasn’t how I planned. There were things I thought you needed to know before deciding-” He takes a breath.

“Danny, you don’t need to tell me anything.”

“Yes, I do." Taking another breath, he says, “My friend, Scottie, that I’ve mentioned? He’s the one who rescued me. He works in Whitehall, and his best friend is a banshee. He helps the good hunters hunt and makes sure the bad ones stop. He was there when I was clinging to life. I don’t know why, but he really went beyond for me. He’s done a lot for others, but for me- He let me live with him while I was healing.”

“It, uh, took three months, and there were side-effects. He let me live there, fed me, made me as comfortable as possible, and never asked anything in return. He never even made me feel like there _was_ anything he wanted.”

“And when I left, I did something- I posted an ad online. I still don’t know what I was thinking. I really don’t recognise the person who did all of that. I said anyone could come around. My only condition was that they be absolutely quiet.” He blinks away his tears. “People came. I didn’t turn any of them away. And they must have thought their luck was in, because they didn’t make a sound.”

“You know about weres. We can’t contract STDs or infect others. Still, what I did- it was-” Shaking his head, he says, “Even with one-night stands, I’ve always thought it should be fun and safe for everyone. Even if you don’t know the person, you should make sure they’re okay and getting what they want. And that night wasn’t about that. I didn’t care how any of them felt, and they didn’t care about me.”

Looking over, he sees Alex is looking at him with a blank face.

Based on his vitals, Alex is working overtime to process the words.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever fully realised how much, but I’m messed up in a lot of ways, Alex. That’s never going to change. But if you still want me, I want to try to make sure we never seriously hurt each other. I’ll never lie to you, I promise. If you still want me, I need you to promise the same. And also, you’ve been invited to Scottie’s for dinner. I didn’t tell him you’re MI6, but I did tell him everything else.”

He waits.

Slowly, Alex brings up his hand with his palm faced towards Danny.

Almost sobbing, Danny puts his palm against it.

“I’ll never lie to you,” Alex promises. “When does Scottie want us over?”

…

Alex hadn’t been sold on the idea of celebrating his own birthday, but Danny had talked him around.

Over the phone, he tells Alex, “I’ll stop by your flat after work, and we can go to Scottie’s together.”

“Okay. Call me when you get there.”

After work, he finds a pleather-bound journal sitting on the coffee table with a card reading _Danny_ in Alex’s handwriting. Laughing, Danny sits down to look through it.

Alex has really been having trouble with the concept of Danny and Scottie giving him things and him not giving anything in return.

He hears the door click open, and calling, he starts to get up, “I thought you had-”

Then, his senses finally catch up with the rest up him, but it’s too late, and he’s reeling on the floor.

Trying to fight against the pain of the electricity and stay conscious, he watches as a woman with sharp features, sandy hair, and blue eyes comes into view. She has a baton in hand. “Hello, Daniel. I thought it was time we meet.”

Someone unseen discharges another Taser at him, and everything goes black.

…

When he comes to, he’s standing with his hands chained above his head to the wall and an electrical patch is attached to his neck.

“Do you know who I am?”

He blinks until he can focus on the woman sitting in a corner of the room.

“Frances Turner. Alex’s mum.” Clearing his throat, he calmly asks, “Does he know about this?”

She studies him intently. Her vitals are completely steady. “What do you think?”

I’m not going to find out from her, he realises.

“I want to talk to you about my son.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Oh.”

He immediately regrets nodding. “I’ve been tortured before, Frances. Some of it, I told them easily. One of the things they wanted was information about my parents, and if not for outside help arriving just in time, I literally would have died. I’m still ready to accept that. Anything between me and Alex is between us, and anything between you and your son- sort that however you want. Talk to him, go after other people, but I’d suggest you not waste your time with me.”

“Even if he played a part in you being here?”

“Still between me and him,” he firmly answers.

…

He’s taken to trying to remember every string of equations he’s thrown at Alex in the past.

“Do you love my son?”

He remembers, the first time, he’d checked the answer on Alex’s mobile. Afterwards, he’d bought himself a pocket calculator and tried to remember to always take it with him when he was planning to meet Alex.

“Alistair never told me he was homosexual. To be honest, I sometimes thought he must either be asexual or somewhere on the far side of the Kinsey scale.”

Looking at her, he says, “I’m assuming you mean you thought he was bisexual or pansexual. That would be somewhere in the middle.”

She looks at him with interest, and he says, “I’m still not talking about him, by the way. I have a mate who worships Kinsey, and the best way to be threatened with a knife is to get stuff wrong involving him.”

“Are you being literal or figurative?”

He doesn’t answer.

…

Despite his best efforts, he quickly loses track of time.

His chained wrists and stiff arms quickly go completely numb, and he soon gets used to the electricity keeping him from transforming.

Frances doesn’t actually torture him.

She has a man feed him soup through a straw three times a day, and whenever he asks for water, he’s given it. He’s imagines, soon enough, he’ll have to deal with wet, soiled pants, but it hasn’t happened, yet.

At random points, she appears and tries to get him to talk about Alex.

…

A crash causes him to jolt awake.

The scent of Alex causes his senses to go into overdrive, and the electricity responds.

Taking several deep breaths, he manages to calm down enough to hear:

“Of course, I’m always happy when you visit, but what warrants this, Alistair?”

Alex is so terrified Danny can barely focus on his words.

“Frances, I’m afraid an innocent werecoyote has been captured by hunters. I need help. Here’s a picture. He’s-”

“Alistair, you’re shaking. Sit down, and have some tea. I don’t understand. You’re going to need to give me more context.”

Danny belatedly realises he needs to breathe.

Up above, Alex says, “Eight months ago, I was mugged. I’m fine, now, that part isn’t important. A werecoyote named Danny Holt helped me. He sometimes has trouble controlling his sensory input, but he’s never lost control. He has never hurt anyone.”

“Three days ago, we were going to celebrate my birthday with a friend of his. He was supposed to come to my flat after he was done at work, but- I don’t know. When I arrived, he wasn’t there. He isn’t _anywhere_ that I can find. His friend, Scottie, works at Whitehall and has connections to druids. There’s been no progress.”

Something has been different, and when Danny realises what it is, everything in him panics.

Alex is _crying._

“Danny is an innocent, and when he was only nineteen, hunters did horrible things to him. I need your help, Frances. Please.”

“Of course,” is Frances’s distant reply. “Innocent people being taken- that isn’t what hunters are meant to do. Since- since when do you celebrate your birthday? Ever since you were nine, you’ve positively insisted I not get you anything.”

“Danny can be very persuasive."

“He’s very handsome. Alistair, what is he to you? I know you’d be worried about any innocent person, but this goes beyond that.”

“He’s my friend,” Alex chokes out. “He’s the only friend I have, and I’d rather die than him ever be hurt.”

“Okay,” Frances softly says. “Okay. I’ll start looking for your Danny. Now, I want you to go find a quiet place, work on your numbers, and calm down. You’re not driving in this state, and hearing all of this will only upset you more. I promise, the minute I find anything out, I’ll alert you.”

“Thank you,” Alex sobs.

“Come on,” Frances gently tells him. “It’ll be okay…”

No, Danny thinks, it never will be.

…

When Frances appears, she looks grim. “Thank you. I’ve gotten what I needed.”

She turns the knob, there’s a burst of pain, and blackness comes.

…

He wakes up in a ditch.

He has no idea where he is.

Shedding his clothes, he concentrates and, despite the pain, manages to shift into coyote form.

Sniffing, he sets off.

….

He barks when he gets to Scottie’s house.

Scottie immediately opens the door. “Danny?”

As much as he enjoys the hug, it also hurts, and he squirms past.

“Scottie, was that- Danny.”

Shifting back to human, Danny tries to smile. “Hey. Sorry for missing your birthday.”

“You’re okay,” Alex almost chokes out.

“Yeah. And I’m not talking about it right now,” he tells them. “Scottie, I’m borrowing your shower.”

“A bath would be better,” Scottie says. “I’ll help you. Alex, go get some tea and Scotch.”

Reluctantly, Alex complies.

…

Once he sinks down into the warm, soapy water, he feels himself beginning to heal.

Sitting on the toilet lid, Scottie quietly asks, “Was he involved?”

“No,” he answers.

At Scottie’s doubtful reactions, he adds, “I’d tell you if he were. You know that.”

…

When he’s cleaned and healed, he says, “Here’s what I’ll tell you both: Hunters got me. I guess I got lucky again. And since this happened to me, I get to decide whether I say anything else. And I’m sorry, I l know neither of you will like this, but I’m not saying anything more.”

 …

They make a few attempts to get him to talk but quickly accept he won’t.

He and Alex spend the night together every night.

Sometimes, Alex has nightmares.

…

Alex, Danny has discovered, tries to be apolitical but has complex feelings towards the U.N.

He’s lying with his head on Alex’s chest and vaguely listening to Alex explaining how what several countries are doing is illegal and insisting the U.N. should actually start imposing the proscribed penalties. He hasn’t taken any wolfs bane since before he was kidnapped, and there are bad days, but today is good.

Everything is calm, his senses are filled with Alex, and he hopes-

Shooting up, he says, “I know this is sudden, but I need to go to Scottie’s.”

“Danny?”

Alex is tense and scared, and Danny winces.

Leaning down, he kisses Alex. “I’m sorry about this. There’s nothing wrong, it’s just- one of those things. I’ll call you once I get to Scottie’s. I promise.”

…

After he’s called Alex, he sits down heavily on Scottie’s couch. “I have to break up with him, and I have to do it without hurting him. There has to be a way to do that, right?”

Scottie’s only reaction is, “What happened, Danny?”

Getting up, Danny starts pacing.

“Obviously, there will be some hurt, but Alex is rational. He’s nice, which, we need to focus on the rational part. He doesn’t believe in soulmates or mates. If he didn’t grow up with a hunter mum, he wouldn’t even believe in creatures like me!”

Scottie stands. “I’m going to get some tea, but rest assured, I’m listening.”

Waving him away, Danny says, “Thanks for the patronising response. I need help. This isn’t an overreaction. I know I shouldn’t have ever- but I did. He can’t suffer for it. I won’t have that.”

Scottie hands him a cup of tea, and he abruptly realises how exactly he’s coming across.

Sitting back down, he rubs his eyes.

Scottie radiates sympathy.

“The thing is,” Danny quietly says, “I can’t do this. He folds both of our clothes now, somehow always keeps my flat tidy even though I absolutely never do anything to help, and he has everything dry-cleaned. We’ve never had a really big, hurtful argument. There’s this show, I don’t know the name, but its thirty minutes of this economist talking. Every night at nine, it’s on, and sometimes, I fall asleep, but do you know how many _months_ I’ve been watching this show? You laughed, but you don’t understand how much I truly love those reindeer socks Alex got me for Christmas. He has a birthmark on the inside of his thigh. And that scar on my stomach? Whenever I’m in coyote form and he scratches my stomach, he’ll always just gently touch it. Why he does this, I don't know, but I like it.”

Shaking his head, he repeats, “I can’t do this.”

“It sounds as if you’ve gotten everything you’ve always wanted,” Scottie comments. “It sounds as if you’ve finally found the person you’ve been dreaming of since you were a child.”

“No,” he insists. “That’s done. Whatever it was- whether it was my fault or Lee’s or both of ours, I was stupid and weak, and I’ll never be very strong, but lying on the cold ground, sure I’d be dead any second, I gave up those dreams. If I could go back, I’d do whatever it took to make sure I never helped this injured hunter who I knew had mountain ash and a silver blade covered in mistletoe juice, but I can’t. Now, I have to deal with Alex, who’s probably sitting on my bed and trying to work on his equations while he keeps glancing at the phone. I haven’t just seen him naked and made him beg and let him make me, I’ve been around when he _cried_ , I’ve made him laugh, and I’ve told him things that I swore I’d only ever tell you.”

There’s a stretch of silence.

Then, Scottie says, “This is the first time I’ve ever heard you say Lee’s name.”

He growls, and then, immediately scoots back as far into the couch as he can. “Do I have to say it, admit what we both know, before you’ll help me?”

“Whether you admit it or not, it won’t change reality,” Scott says. “All those sayings about never giving up on dreams- some people, their dreams never completely give up on them. Are you afraid he might be like Lee, or are you afraid he won’t be?”

“I know he’s not,” Danny says. “I also know I can’t do this.”

“Well,” Scottie says, “then, make that choice. You’re not afraid to say you love him. Not really. You’re afraid to say what this is really about: He just might love you back.”

“And so,” Scottie sighs, “I’m going to see if being cruel might help you. He’s a mathematical genius. He’s a human who, for all your supernatural agility and strength, is in far better shape than you. He comes from money, and he makes money. He could go anywhere in MI6, and yes, I’ve worked that out, that he wanted. Men, women, he could easily find whatever he wanted to fill his bed, his life, his Sunday evenings.”

“Instead, he practically lives in a claustrophobically tiny flat with water he has to boil, cleans up after a boy who can’t be bothered to take two seconds to put a jacket on the coat rack, and occasionally deals with the same boy withdrawing or doing self-destructive things all whilst the boy insists he wants complete honesty. You’ve never told either of us what happened when you were kidnapped.”

“Fine, he deserves better,” Danny snaps. “Do you think you could try to get him to understand that? Because I know, I can’t. Over and over, in so many different ways, I’ve told him, and the only way I see left is to hurt him, and I swore I’d never do that.”

“If you want me to set out on a pointless endeavour, I’ll do it,” Scottie answers. “But I think it’d be best if you accept that you have two choices: Either break his heart, or finally allow yours to start healing.”

Reaching over, Scottie touches his cheek until he looks up.

“I’ve never had much use for the weak, Danny. I help them all the time, but I’ve never had much use for them. You don’t realise it, but you are anything but. That’s why we became friends. You were neither weak nor stupid. Lee was both for thinking he could ever destroy something as precious as you. I’ve said before I don’t know _how_ you managed to survive, but I’ve always known w _hy_.”

Bewildered, Danny stares. “What do you see when you look at me?"

Scottie gives him a sad smile. “I can only hope you’ll someday look into the mirror and see the answer for yourself.”

 …

When he gets back, Alex wakes up.

Kicking off his shoes but keeping the rest of his clothes on, he crawls into bed. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you alright?”

Curling up against Alex, he just breathes for a moment. “Have you ever been in love?”

Alex is instantly wary. “Yes.”

“Tell me about it.”

Abruptly, Alex sits up. “I’ve never lied to you.”

Sitting up, he says, “I know. Might have been better if you’d just told me, though.”

Alex is quiet.

“When I was growing up, even before puberty, I wanted to get married and tell whoever it was all my secrets and have them tell me theirs. When I realised I was gay, it didn’t really change. I was going to find someone I could spend my whole life with. The hunter, his name was Lee Johansson-Prewitt. After him, I alternated between telling myself I would never find someone and trying to assure myself I would.”

He tries to smile. “I think he made me afraid of the thing I’ve always wanted more than anything. But he’s been dead for years, now, and here you are, alive. I love you, Alex. If you want my heart, you can have it.”

“I love you,” Alex breathes out.

Leans forward, Danny kisses him.

…

He’s listening to Alex’s heart beating with Alex warm beneath him, every single sense is filled with Alex, and all he can do is let the happiness guide him into sleep.

…

“Scottie’s emailed me several times in the last four hours,” Alex tells him.

Groaning, Danny sets a plate down in front of him. “Sorry, I’m going to say I told you so: I told you it might be best to tell him about us officially moving in together _after_ we’d already found a place.”

“I never knew he had such strong objections to you living in this one.”

Shrugging, Danny gets his own plate and sits down. “If it were up to him, I’d’ve been living somewhere much nicer years ago. But now that I actually have some money saved up and a bit of job security, with your help, we can find somewhere better for both of us. Together.”

Alex smiles.

…

He’s sketching in his journal when Alex sets his book down. “Danny.”

Danny glances over. “Yeah?”

“Frances and I have never been close, but now that you and I have found this place and are living together- Do you think I should tell her about our relationship? Would you be interested in meeting her?”

Well, thanks for the month and half of bliss I’ve had since our ‘I love yous’, universe, he thinks. You never disappoint with the pain, in the end, though, do you?

Setting his journal and pencil aside, he leans against Alex and focuses on nothing. “She was the one who kidnapped me,” he quietly announces.

Alex tenses. “What? Danny?”

“On your birthday, I went to your flat, and instead of calling you right away, I sat down and looked at this.” He gestures to the journal. “She came in with men with Tasers. I heard when you came. You kept calling me ‘innocent’. I’m really not.”

Alex gets out of bed, and on the other side, Danny follows suit.

“Are you going to point out you didn’t technically lie?”

Danny shakes his head.

Alex is more hurt and confused than anything. Sometimes, Danny really envies his lack of anger.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“If it helps at all, I’ve never told Scottie.”

“It doesn’t.”

There’s more silence.

“Did you believe I was part of it?”

Danny would give almost anything for Alex to have not asked this one particular question.

Looking him in the eyes, Danny answers, “I didn’t know. Until you showed up.”

“But you suspected it.”

“Yes.”

“Then, why did you stay with me after you came back?”

The pain from Alex is almost overwhelming, and even knowing he can’t take it away with a touch, Danny yearns to touch him anyways.

“I’m not sure how to answer that.”

“The complete truth would be preferable.”

“Alright.” He sighs. “The truth is, I was sure you’d eventually find someone better or get fed up with me. Whatever it was, I didn’t believe we were going to last, but I didn’t want things to end right then. And whatever I think of Frances, she’s still your mum. ‘Hey, Alex, I just thought you should know that your mum kidnapped me. I know that you’ve been lonely all your life, and you’re probably going feel compelled to do something, and when we crash and burn or whatever happens, you’ll literally have absolutely no one you can turn to, but it’s important that you feel guilty and conflicted over something you had nothing to do with in addition to all that’.”

Shaking his head, he says, “I don’t know if this will make it better or worse, but if I thought she was a danger to any other innocent supernatural creatures, I would’ve said something. This was just about the three of us.”

Alex sounds unbearably young when he states, “She hurt you.”

“It didn’t stick,” Danny offers.

“Why didn’t you tell me a month and a half ago?”

“Why,” he challenges. “The answer is that I was just really hoping it would somehow never come up, and yeah, I not only should have known better, I probably did, but: Why?”

Tear form in Alex’s eyes, and Danny privately admits, if his whole past is a case of him being punished for things he’ll do in the future, Frances’s actions are somewhat understandable.

Gently, he asks, “Hey, do you remember the first night we had sex?" At Alex's nod, he continues, "That was also the first time I put my head on your chest and listened to your heart. I never told you, but I made a promise. It was, ‘I promise, I’ll always protect you. No matter what I have to do, I’ll never let anyone or anything hurt you.’”

“Maybe you could get Frances in some sort of trouble for what she did, but all it’s going to do is hurt you more. I’m fine. Until ten minutes ago, we both were. We were happy.”

“And you believe you have the right to make that sort of decision?”

Danny goes for broke. “I’m not sure either of us does. Still, I know you’ve always been honest, but if you were in a situation where it was hurt me or try to protect me by keeping quiet or outright lying, you’d choose the latter. You might go to Scottie, or before all this, your mum, but you would do the same thing. I don’t know when, where, and how exactly you made it, but you made the same promise to me. So, if you get to put me above everything, I get to do the same when it comes to you.”

Alex stares, and Danny realises Alex has the same look he does when an equation is coming together in his head.

Before he can try to ask, Alex is enveloping him in a hug.

“Thank you,” Alex murmurs. “Thank you.”  

Returning the embrace, Danny eases them down onto the bed. “For what?”

Shaking his head, Alex tries to press himself even closer. “I love you. I’ll never hurt you.”

“Yeah, I think we just established that?” Desperately, he adds, “I swear, it’s the same with me.”

“This can’t happen again,” Alex says. “If there’s a problem, we need to figure out a way to solve it together. Even if it initially hurts the other.”

“Yeah,” Danny agrees. “I really am sorry. I’m not sure if you technically fit my ‘first’ relationship, but you’re the first and hopefully last person I’ve ever shared this sort of love with, and sometimes, I’m probably going to mishandle things.”

“I will, too,” Alex says. “However, this specifically, we won’t do again?”

“We won’t do this again,” Danny agrees.

…

They’re heading over to Scottie’s to meet Frances when, taking note of the dread growing with every step Alex takes, Danny stops and tugs Alex’s hand.

“Look at me.” When Alex does, Danny says, “Remember, Frances isn’t stupid. She isn’t going to do anything to us in such a neighbourhood. If she tries, the police will be there in no time, and once it gets out- even if she could justify it in my case, there’s no way any respectable hunter would let her hurting a human in his sixties and her own son, also human, go.”

Alex nods.

Kissing his cheek, Danny looks past the railing, and just for a moment, he can see this boy jumping down and approaching a man with a bruised rib.

Smiling, he nods, turns back to Alex, and leads him away.


End file.
